Ruggedly Handsome
by lavender baby
Summary: Aragorn admires himself and annoys, well... basically everyone. But he's so handsome! So far, Gimli is annoyed, Legolas is chagrined, and Sauron has vowed revenge!
1. In Which Gimli is Highly Aggravated

A fic done in honor of Viggo Mortenson being chosen as number **ten** on **VH1's 100 Hottest Hotties**.

* * *

"I am _so_ ruggedly handsome." Aragorn admired himself in a pool of water.

"You're covered in mud."

Aragorn shot Gimli an annoyed look from under his incredibly long eyelashes. "It's a new exfoliating method I'm trying." he snapped.

"Riight." the dward replied.

"Jealous." murmured Aragorn smugly. "You're practically green with it."

"That would be the moss stuck in my beard you blind, conceited fool." Gimli snapped. "Can we get a move on? We need to get those Hobbits."

"Are you saying those Hobbits are more important to you than my astonishing good looks!" asked an outraged Aragorn.

I'm not even going to grace that question with a reply, thought Gimli, I really am not.

"What is taking you two so long?" called an annoyed Legolas, who was running up ahead.

Aragorn looked away from his reflection in the water long enough to shoot an annoyed look at the lithe elf.

"I am so much prettier than he is." Aragorn muttered. "Can't even stand to be near me, poor thing."

"Aragorn's bloated head is slowing him down." Gimli shouted to Legolas.

"Again?" Legolas turned around wearily. "That's the fourth time in half in hour."


	2. In Which Legolas Shakes His Head

This fic is not following the movie or the books. Well, it sort of is following the movies, but not really. This is just a collection of my Aragorn drabbles. I mean, why should Legolas always get to be the conceited pretty boy? Is Aragorn not hott also? Well, VH1 decided he was number 10 on their 100 hottest hotties list, so that's good enough for me. I expect that there will be quite a few of these, because these drabbles are so much fun to right!

* * *

"Guys, fellowship dudes. I'm worried." Aragorn whispered to the group around the fire.

Boromir shot to his feet. "What is it? Is it the Uruk-Hai? Where's Frodo?"

Aragorn waved away his concern. "No Uruk-Hai. Frodo's in the woods. Somewhere. Doing freaky Hobbit things."

"Hey!" shouted Merry and Pippin, who obviously objected to the 'freaky Hobbit things' comment of Aragorn. Sam was nowhere to be seen, but everyone knew he was probably following Frodo around like a good little follower.

Aragorn ignored the two Hobbits' outburst. "It's Gollum."

"What about Gollum?" asked Legolas.

"He's... scary."

"What? Why?" Boromir sat back down. "He's harmless."

"Because." Aragorn leaned closer so the fellowship followed suit. "Everytime I'm near him, he starts going 'I wantsss the pretty. The precious. The pretty isss miiine.' and like I know I'm incredibly good looking, but that's no reason for him to get all obsessive and creepy about me." Aragorn shuddered delicately.

Gimli snorted.

Boromir rolled his eyes.

The Hobbits were still upset about the 'Freaky Hobbit things.' comment of Aragorn.

So Legolas, seeing no one else was going to reply said, "Oh, Aragorn." and shook his head sadly.


	3. In Which Sauron is Upset

"A diversion." Legolas said, grinning brilliantly at everyone.

"Good job stating the obvious, loser." Aragorn muttered.

"Sauron will never fall for it." said Gandalf authoritatively, "He won't fall for it."

Aragorn laughed with scorn. "A lot you know, you arrogant, old fool. We'll see who falls for it."

Hours later…

Aragorn sauntered into the hallowed room towards the pedestal and whipped the satin covering off of the pretty ball thing.

Ooh, shiny, he thought.

Aragorn picked it up in his manly hands and looked into the flaming, all-seeing eye of Sauron.

"Fear my tremendous beauty, you hideous Thing!" he said, smiling his best smile, which was, to be honest, quite breathtaking.

Sauron's eye widened. "**AHHHHHH! **I'll get you! And your little dog too!"


	4. In Which Sam is Scared

Written to cheer myself up because I just finished writing a humungously boring essay.

* * *

"Okay, Sam, now think carefully," Aragorn bent down and peered earnestly into Samwise Gamgee's innocent face, "who would you follow to the ends of the earth, me or Frodo?"

"Gee, Strider,"

"Aragorn. I'm King Aragorn remember?" reminded Aragorn. Honestly, one so handsome as he should _only _be referred to as king.

"Right. King Aragorn." Sam scrunched up his face as he thought. Aragorn was big, manly, and beautiful, but Mr. Frodo had those wide, innocent, blue eyes. "I think I'd follow Mr. Frodo, begging your pardon."

"What?" screeched an astonished Aragorn, "you'd pick that midget over me? What does he have that I don't?"

"His eyes." admitted Sam.

"What about his eyes?"

Sam gaped at Aragorn. "Haven't you ever noticed them Stri- your majesty?"

"What? Of course not." scoffed Aragorn, "As if I'd ever waste time looking at someone else's eyes when mine are _so_ much more attractive."

"Actually, King Aragorn, you really can't beat Mr. Frodo's eyes." Sam took a step back at the feral look in his companion's eyes.

"Excuse me?" Aragorn asked in outrage, "You're saying that dwarf's eyes are better looking than mine? Is that what you're saying?"

"Um. Yes?"

(Poor Sam, he never knew when to shut up. Simple creatures, hobbits.)

Aragorn grabbed his artfully shaggy hair and pulled it aside in order for Sam to get a good look at his wondrous eyes. "Look at these eyes, you blind midget twerp! Just look!"

Sam looked.

"Now tell me that Frodo's eyes are better than mine."

"Frodo's eyes are better than yours." said Sam promptly. (Poor thing, it wasn't Sam's fault he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.)

Aragorn sucked in a furious breath. "Begone from my sight, you unattractive, fat goblin!" he roared.

Sam burst into tears and ran away as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him.

Aragorn sighed a few seconds later then wandered over to the pond in order to cheer himself up by staring at his reflection. But it was with horror that he stared at what he saw.

"Oh my God! Sam's made me so upset my pores are HUGE!" Aragorn blinked back tears. "Now I need a facial!"


	5. In Which Aragorn is Alarmed

These just seem to be getting longer and longer...

* * *

"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn was storming through the encampment. He was so angry he had forgotten to put on a shirt, which wasn't that bad, actually, considering his well-definied abs. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Eowyn faint into a dead swoon and smirked slightly. It was so damn good to be as ruggedly handsome as he was. Which reminded him of why he was angry. 

"LEGOLAS YOU DAMN PRETTY BOY ELF!" he shouted.

Aragorn finally found his elf friend in the woods communing with trees.

"What the heck are you doing?" he asked

Legolas shushed him, "I'm speaking to this poor tree. It's-"

"Yeah, yeah, enough about the tree." Aragorn interrupted tersely. "I want to know what you did with my special hair soap."

Legolas cocked his his in a puzzled manner that was entirely too attractive. Aragorn told himself to practice that move in the mirror.

"What soap?"

"Don't pretend you don't know." shouted Aragorn. "I know you took it!"

"Took... your soap?" Legolas shook his head. "I wouldn't. I hardly need it." he ran a hand through his fall of golden hair and Aragorn supressed a twinge of jealousy, which he convinced himself he didn't feel.

He LIKED his own hair. Locks of silky brown hair was way more attractive than girly, long, blonde hair.

"I know you took it." he accused Legolas, "And I need it back. If I wash my hair with normal soap then my hair will get all coarse. But if I don't wash my hair, in a few days it'll get all oily. So I need my soap." whined Aragorn.

Legolas glared at him. "I told you I didn't take it!"

"Then who did?"

"I don't know." Legolas paused, "Did you ask Gimli?"

"Gimli? Why, his hair is so coarse that..." Aragorn paled, "Oh my gods! He needs it! Of course he'll take it! And HIS hair will need the entire bottle!" Aragorn rushed off. "GIMLIIIIIIIIIII!"

Legolas grinned after Aragon for a few seconds before he turned back to the tree. He reached around it and brought out a big, jade green bottle. "Finally, I'll be able to condition properly."


End file.
